Freshly back from orchestra prac and freaking crying now. What a wimp.

The last thing I wanna do is to spoil the entire orchestra.

That’s my main concern and greatest fear. If so, then I’d rather back off.

I feel like a small fish being thrown in an ocean. Always trying to match up to the bigger fishes… But always falling short. Sometimes I wish to just hide in between the corals and… Watch.

 

But of course I won’t.

 

I’m still pretty much the silly determined girl I was when I first joined the orchestra. It’s really not worth giving up after much scolding, tears, mental torment and $$$.

I thought of my teacher, his patience and encouragement… The time and effort he has invested in me… Of how he taught me right from scratch… I really owe it all to him.

Trust me, I was not an easy student… Hehe *shrug*

And I thought of my fellow musicians and friends who have believed in me and encouraged me on my way…

And I thought of the prayers I made to God, the many times I told Him of how much I felt like giving up… Of how much I needed Him to bring me through… Of how I am nothing without Him.

And that during every practice alone, I’d pray for God to be my best teacher.

He’s always reminding me of the vision I had way before I even knew how to play a cello. I had laughed at that. It was just a silly casual bigger-than-myself dream…

It was a vision of me playing the cello in a rather big orchestra. I can still remember it clearly now after a decade. For someone with bad memory, it must be a special dream. :)

So now I got my prayers answered, I landed myself in an orchestra playing the cello. So what the hell is with me and those thoughts of I-wish-I-don’t-have-to-perform-in-August????!!!!!

God will bring me through this again!

Aileen, please just stop WHINING and SELF-PITYING, it’s IRRITATING and a BIG TURN-OFF. You could have used that time for some fruitful practising!!!